The Art of Holding Both

We are currently standing at the exact midpoint between winter and spring. In the Celtic tradition, this is Imbolc, but the energy of this time is recognized across many traditions. I sense it holds a vital invitation for us right now: the practice of holding contradictory pulls simultaneously. This midpoint holds both the promise of future liveliness and the relentless darkness of a winter that isn't ready to end yet.

I believe our ability to hold this kind of complexity, both as a society and within ourselves, is essential to cultivate. Without it, we run toward easy answers that explain away the discomfort of a reality we aren't able to hold. This is also why I call this newsletter Paradox Praxis. Paradoxes are capable of holding seemingly opposing facts and deeper levels of complexity which, in my experience, are often closer to reality. But yes, they can be uncomfortable, too.

It took me leaving my full-time job to even begin noticing this rhythm. For years, my limited capacity for attention was absorbed by digital realms and relational dynamics, to the point where I wasn't even aware of the possibility of perceiving such richness in the living world around me.

I find it essential to restore this relationship to the season and the earth. This isn't just poetics, it is grounded in psychology. Nature restores our depleted attention and expands our capacity to hold complexity. Attuning specifically to seasonal cycles deepens our sense of belonging and meaning, powerful antidotes to the disconnection driving our collective crisis.

So let's take the invitation that this particular moment offers.

The inner weather

There is a cognitive level to this skill, but there is also a physiological one. Differences, whether inside or outside ourselves, can feel like a threat to our belief systems. We see this in phenomena like confirmation bias and algorithmically fueled information bubbles, which lead to increased polarization and a lower ability to listen to diverse opinions without reactivity.

Just as we see polarization in the news feed, we experience it within our own psyche. From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, this is the most common reason for stuckness I see in my coaching practice. We frequently find ourselves caught in internal paradoxes:

The Control versus Trust paradox. One part seeks the safety of a rigid plan to ensure an outcome, while another craves the freedom to trust the unfolding of the process.

The Visibility versus Safety paradox. One part of us yearns to share its voice and be seen, while another protects us by wanting to stay small and safe from criticism.

Beliefs and patterns do not live in the mind alone, they are rooted in the body and the nervous system. When we cannot hold these opposing tensions, we are often operating outside our Window of Tolerance. This concept, used in somatic psychology, describes the optimal zone of arousal within which we can effectively process emotions. This range can be expanded over time, but it is intentional, and often relational work that takes time. Frequently longer than what we would prefer. It is definitely not a silver bullet of cathartic transformation, which I see having a strong pull right now, and understandably so: who isn't seduced by the promise of immediate transformation?

But seasons follow their own rhythm. Spring won't arrive earlier just because we desire it to. Internal processes, like societal processes of transformation, are often slower and less linear than our preferences. This slower rhythm applies not just to personal growth but to collective transformation, our capacity as a society to hold nuance, disagreement, and complexity without collapsing into polarization.

A practice for the in-between

And there are still actions we can take, ways to start engaging with the process. In terms of immediate practice, I find these questions helpful for tracking our state and, perhaps through deeper awareness, cultivating more spaciousness for choosing differently:

• How do I sense tension or inner contradiction in my body right now?
• How can I hold this discomfort without rushing to fix it?
• In which ways do I try to resolve tension? (Rushing to an answer even if incomplete, postponing, numbing, dissociating, distracting.)

The options are as endless as we are.

With love from the in-between,
Laura